An Unconditional Love
It was a Sunday like any other. Just my two boys and I at home for the day. I was up and out of bed by 5:45 in the morning because, well, thats the new norm with two boys — ages six and three — who rarely sleep past 6 a.m. It’s a day filled with Disney+, waffles, a walk, puzzles, peanut butter sandwiches, and coloring books. Typically after their lunch, they lay down for a nap, giving daddy a few hours to clean up around the house, workout, write, record a podcast, and catch a game.
No. I have not been able to complete all those tasks within nap time — but the attempt is there.
As the boys napped in their beds on this particular early Sudnay afternoon, I took a moment after a workout to scroll through my Facebook feed. As I manuvered through the countless memes, gifs, videos, and political rants, I eventually landed on a news headline that halted my scrolling finger. I read the headline three times to verify that I was not mistaken or duped into reading a fake headline. Sadly, it was a factual story. The headline read:
“Father Kills 14-year-old Son in Nevada: ‘He would rather have a dead son than a gay son.’”
I gazed at the headline for a moment before clicking on the link. I read the article, taking in every heartbreaking and angering detail the story contained. A father with a history of violence — including having previosuly pulled a gun on his son when he encountered him with his significant other. I sat stupefied, unable to comprehend the manner in which this man’s brain operates.
After reading it, I looked at my boys. I watched as they played with their toys and reenacted scenes from the Disney shows they watched earleir. I witnessed how they interacted with each other, and how they interact with me. I graciosuly received the random hugs they would give — and interjected myself in those moments they weren’t so nice to each other. During their naps, I would check in on them. The two of them sleeping comfortably in their respective beds.
It was there that I thought to myself, imagining I had that man cornered in a room and the opportunity to interrogate him: You witnessed these moments with your son, and yet you still felt the urge to shoot and kill him?
To murder your son over who he chose to love. Why? Because it doesn’t fit with what your Cro-Magnon brain considers to be the standard of what makes a man manly? Because it doesn’t fit with what your precious belief system orders you to do? Because you couldn’t be bothered with the possibility of having an offspring who’s lifestyle differs from yours?
My brain comprehends this part of his mindset. It is what some men are engrained with from their youth. That a man’s masculinity is dependent upon how physically intimidating they are, how worn their hands are, and who they choose as a significant other. Right or wrong, that has been the “rulebook” for quite some time. Yet, on many occasions throughout history, some of the most influential men went against the grain on the previously mentioned “rules.” In the end, the definition of what makes a man is constantly broadening and evolving.
What I cannot comprehend is how a man can reach such a hateful level that they consider the murder of their own child — over a non-threatening aspect of their lives.
So, your son is gay. How does that devalue his life? How does that devalue your life? How does that harm anyone? How does that make you a failure as a parent?
As a parent, in my opinion, your concerns should be limited to this: is my child content? Is my child a productive member of society? Does my child help those in need? Is my child chasing their goals? How can I hep guide them toward those goals?
That is all that pertains to me. Everything else is just added elements that make my sons who they are. Do I expect them to believe in everything I do? No. Do I expect them to agree with me on everything? No. Do I expect them to live the exact same way I did? Not a chance. There is enough in their DNA and character that makes them the products of my wife and I. From there, they create their own futures — with whomever they choose to bring along for the ride.
It’s evening now. The boys have had dinner, showered, and our now fast asleep in their beds. Later on, I make the trip to their respective rooms to turn off their lights and I look at each of them, snoozing away. With all the chaos they create throughout the day — from scattered toys to spilled crayons to loud screams and minor arguments — it is this moment where my heart fills with love. The two driving forces behind everything my wife and I do. The future of our family dreaming comfortably under our roof. The two boys we would do anything for. The two men we would die for and defend against anyone who dares to threaten them — especially over who they choose to love as a life partner.
An unconditional love.
— Anthony Esteves is the creator of the true life podcast Based On A True Journey, co-creator of the comic book podcast The Capeless Crusaders, and media contributor for Latino Review Media. His short stories “Trick” and the upcoming “Papão” can be found on Wattpad.
